I am going my way!

To me ,it is to do self-introspection as both the hardest and the easiest thing to do in life? How come? The answers is not around, it lies in me so that i can not blame for some one.

When i am in high level of consciousness, it will be very easy to master my self, i can be that prudent ,polite, and patient as well. But everything is totally different when i am in tantrum and having self-induced misery. I cannot even just to think purely, and in that red zone, once i do a wrongdoing i will leave it behind so long as a great regret. That is why, i choose to go away, being silent and have a monologue of silence.

To be that calm is one of my greatest wishes, but i realize that it is not that easy, it takes time and effort. As born with lots of bullying to see i tend to be in a confuse, too often of being trapped in a-not-knowing-what-to-do condition making me feel lonely, but in the same time i do expect someone to share with. But it never happens, i never believe in friendship since then. To me, sorry to say, friendship is a lonely when i can talk to my self, pondering and sometimes smoking.. i am tired of expecting friends to mingle with. I don't know what i go wrong but i lost a friend.

I love a girl but i am not sure she feels the same to me, it may come in vain from her mouth. The story can be different if i am from respected and well-being familiy. To be this hard and complicated, making they think twice or even many times to get involved deeper in my life, if they are not willing to do so, let alone allowing their daughter to be my love.. i do understand about it, and i take it for granted. Well.. My life is in a mission, i cannot sink in this momentarily condition, everything change and ALLAH always will help me.

Hope the future will be a better time for me and my whole family